I guess part of my qualms about sameness and wanting to be different stem from my career in a historic house. I don't have to tend the desk or give tours much anymore, thank goodness, but my rare occasions of filling in - on top of my previous 12 years or so - gave me my fill. Every day it could have been the same person coming through the door, asking the same questions. Each spring each school group was exactly like the one the year before - no sense of personal space, wanting to be first, making the same distant noise coming down the street. My spirit quakes before sameness now.
Now, with illnesses in the family where so much is also repetition, I rejoice in travels and in learning new things. I want to venture farther and farther, to places that not everyone goes, to get out of the homogenization of America, to trust my instincts to what is alright, to immerse myself as much as possible. I find myself delighting when I'm able to think, and when a challenge gives me a new ability.
The one great thing about working at the VC/HS is the extra hour and a half I have in the morning before going in - ah, breakfast, scrapbooking, time with the critters, reading, memorizing, writing...the possibilities are beautiful.
1 comment:
Yes, sameness is something hard to bear at times, and yet sometimes total change and upheaval can bring us crashing back toward what we find comforting in the things that were (we thought) not going to change. I found myself upset briefly today, thinking about my HOUSE....I'm no longer there. It is no longer my house. But, I just wanted to go home. Now we face a hidden future, with new things we can only imagine and be hopeful about. I feel like a kid about to take their first roller coaster ride....will I scream with fear, or laugh with delight. You have to wonder....
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